Monday, August 13, 2007

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you indulge in this week's sports shorts.

The NCAA is scheduled to hear an appeal on the new ban on sending text messages to recruits. The ruling has been especially damaging for Stanford and Yale since their recruits can actually read.

Czech tennis star Radek Stepanek has broken off his engagement to Martina Hingis. Apparently love means nothing to him.

The Boston Celtics are trying to lure Reggie Miller out of retirement. It’s not clear yet whether the team thinks he can still play or if Danny Ainge is simply tired of hearing Miller criticize him on air.

Scott Boras has come to the aid of Alex Rodriguez, insisting that his celebrity client has never used steroids. That’s comforting. There’s nothing like the assurance of a money-grubbing agent to put your mind at ease.

Cal Ripken Jr. has been appointed a Special Sports Envoy by Secretary of State Condoleezza. Although there were more qualified candidates available, the government simply wanted someone who would show up to work every single day.

Reds catcher David Ross was forced to leave a game against the San Diego Padres after a painful collision with Mike Cameron at home plate. I guess it’s true what they say: most accidents do happen at home.

Magic Johnson will be holding a fundraiser to support Hillary Rodham Clinton's presidential bid. That’s great news since most political pundits agree that it will take a little magic to get her elected.

Sumo grand champion Asashoryu is said to be on the brink of a nervous breakdown. Then again, you’d probably be fighting back tears too if your butt cheeks weighed the same as a compact car.