Monday, July 28, 2008

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Spain's Carlos Sastre won the Tour de France on Sunday. Maybe now he can finally afford a car.

A fan was injured after plunging 25 feet from the handrails of an escalator at Shea Stadium during a game between Washington and New York. Unlike the Nationals, the man is expected to survive.

Tampa Bay Rays minor league pitcher Matthew Walker has been suspended 50 games by Major League Baseball after testing positive for an amphetamine. In his defense, you almost need to be on speed to stay awake for an entire minor league game.

Hawks star Josh Childress has signed a three year deal with Greek club Olympiakos. The 6-8 forward is expected to earn $20 million, which doesn’t even include the hundreds of dollars in heated pennies that will be flung at him every time he misses a shot.

NFL draft pick Caleb Campbell will not get a chance to play for the Detroit Lions because of a change in military policy. In the end, the US Army felt he would be far safer in Iraq than in a war zone like Detroit.

Alyssa Milano says she’s done dating baseball players. In related news, half of the Dodgers are now planning to switch to basketball.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers running back Warrick Dunn is working on his first book. Reading it, not writing it.

The Philadelphia Eagles cheerleaders are the first girls to produce their annual calendar on eco-friendly, recycled paper. That should go a long way in offsetting the 37 cans of aerosol hairspray they use before each home game.

50-year-old Hall of Famer Nancy Lieberman recorded two assists for the Detroit Shock in a loss to the Houston Comets. We’re confused. We thought the WNBA’s slogan was “Expect Great,” not “Expect Great Grandmothers.”

New reports suggest that former NBA referee Tim Donaghy is likely to face hard time. Then again, he’s watched the Knicks play dozens of times, so how hard could it really be?

Pacers point guard Jamaal Tinsley has reportedly lost 20 pounds during the off season. That’s one benefit of always running away from the law.

A group of Eagles fans recently paid tribute to Brett Favre by burning the Packers' legend in effigy. Fittingly, even the effigy is now threatening a comeback.