Thursday, February 5, 2009

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Paris Hilton was recently spotted making out with Barry Zito at a Hollywood hotspot. For those of you keeping track at home, Hilton has now worked her way through the entire alphabet.

The New York Knicks are reportedly trying to find a new home for Eddy Curry. We hope for his sake that it has reinforced floorboards.

Lakers center Andrew Bynum will be out for 8-12 weeks with a knee injury. Kobe Bryant is delighted to have one less teammate to pass to.

Shaun White has agreed to snowboard on a nine-story ramp in New York City. Apparently Michael Phelps isn’t the only former Olympian looking for new highs.

A new report shows that Baseball commissioner Bud Selig made more than all but three of his sport's players in 2007. Not bad for a guy whose fastball can be measured by an egg timer.

President Obama is sending a women's badminton team to Iran this week. Wouldn’t it have been cheaper to have just sent them to their rooms without dinner?

The NBA has added a HORSE contest to its All-Star weekend. That seems fitting given that many of its players are already hung like one.

Aging Red Sox legend Carl Yastrzemski reportedly thinks that his 18-year-old grandson has a shot at the Big Leagues. Then again, Yastrzemski also thinks that it’s 1983.

The U.S. Olympic Committee has asked for a face-to-face meeting with Michael Phelps. Let’s hope for their sake he doesn’t puff-puff-pass on their request.

A new study has found that the IQ of the average NASCAR fan is 137. It’s unclear whether that’s before or after they’ve consumed twice their weight in moonshine and chilidogs.