Monday, April 19, 2010

You've Got To Be Joking

Sit back and relax as you enjoy this week’s Sports Shorts.

Michael Phelps was recently spotted at a Baltimore Orioles game. It’s the clearest indication yet that he’s back on drugs.

Veteran coach Joe Paterno would like to see the Big Ten expand. That’s hardly surprising since he was also a big proponent for the U.S. adding a 14th state.

Roger Goodell and Ben Roethlisberger recently met for several hours in New York. Something tells us it probably wasn’t at a Hooters.

Fred Lewis scooped the media by announcing he had been traded via Facebook. The 30-year-old outfielder went onto state that he liked bananas and that he would be removing “Glass Tiger” from his list of favorite bands.

Health Subcommittee chairman Frank Pallone believes smokeless tobacco has no place in Major League Baseball. Then again, neither do the Nationals and they’re still allowed to play.

Edmonton has won the NHL draft lottery. The Oilers have narrowed down their choices between someone you’ve never heard of and someone whose name you’ll never be able to pronounce.

Creed singer Scott Stapp has recorded a song for the Florida Marlins. Haven’t their fans already suffered enough?

A high school in Texas is getting a new $60 million football stadium. It’s the most money spent on an amateur team since the NFL approved the sale of the Rams.

Jay-Z is suing David Ortiz, claiming the Red Sox star named his new nightclub after the mogul's chain of 40/40 clubs. The difference is that Jay-Z’s name refers to homeruns and steals while Ortiz’s name refers to the size of his breasts and hips.

Congress wants Major League Baseball to ban smokeless tobacco. Fans simply want Major League Baseball to ban the Orioles.

Bobby Valentines believes the Mets managerial job is not in his future. Given how he screwed it up the first time he probably wishes it wasn’t in his past either.